It is very frustrating for me to study so much and then be let down by the speed at which I write. The stupidity of the situation stems from the fact that I'm being constrained by a factor not easily changed. If I was being let down by a lack of content, that can be easily amended. But now, three and a half weeks to go to the prelims, can I successfully alter my writing speed? After living and writing this way for 18 years, I am now faced with the extremely real possibility that even though I may have studied my hardest and smartest and worked as much as I can, come November I might cut off from my desired grades simply because I cannot write fast enough. This is a possibility that annoys me to no end.

Others study and practice writing for essay skills. I practice writing for penmenship skills. And it is simply not easy to change my writing speed, because that involves changing my handwriting, and many people, save for a lifechanging event involving their limbs, hardly ever change their handwriting. It stays the same! Can I be expected to speed up in three weeks? And even if I am expected to (I am, actually, considering all things), can I actually accomplish it? I cannot and will not believe something this banal will actually hinder me. People don't write as much as they should because they may not know what to say. I don't write as much as I should because I can't (this is for those occassions on which I do know what to write of course).

And it is with these very frustrating thoughts that I left my IH test, thoughts that superceded ones that others would no doubt consider more important, thoughts like "Was I right? What was the correct answer?" I consider these thoughts more important too. But this afternoon, the sheer inanity of my situation blocked out all others for a while.